so i just read a post cricket rebloged and the words “i’m lonely too” caught my eye. there is something about the word “lonely” that creeps me out. ive heard a few people say it, and it kind of disturbs me.
i assume that everyone is lonely. its a given. you can be all by yourself, or surrounded by people and feel lonely. you can have no life, or an overly active social calendar and be painfully lonesome.
even though i shy away from showing my emotions to people (because showing your emotions is involuntary, not controlled, up for interpretation), i can and do articulate them verbally all the time (cause that way its somehow controlled, given context, justified or validated).
but fuck, the word lonely. it just sound so… i dont know… pitiful. it sounds like desperation. being sad or in mourning is one thing, but verbalizing out loud to other people that you are “lonely” sounds like you’re wallowing in that sadness. that you feel sorry for yourself.
its kind of how i feel about empathy and pity. i’m ok with empathy, but i’d never want anyone to “pity” me. its insulting. arrogant even. i feel like people that admit to being lonely are asking for pity.
im reading this and i realize i sound like an incredible asshole. everyone is lonely at one time or another… i just dont like the word. im not entirely sure why.
10 minutes to takeoff
Don’t get on the plane. Stay here. You can live with me. Or we’ll find you a place. Or we’ll get a new place. I’ll get rid of my cat.
The threats.
If you ruin this, if you freak out, put that wall up, if you run away from this, B, I’ll kill you. He’s possibly the best thing I’ve ever seen happen to you and you can’t let being afraid of love ruin that.
You do that to girls, B.
You get girls afraid and paranoid. K used to be like that about you. She’d grill me about if I’d ever hooked up with you and I’d be like K, no! It’s not like that! And then she’d get mad about the fact that she wanted to hate you but she liked you and hated liking you. I don’t know, B, but you do that to girls.
She said
It’s like you have no idea how to act when faced with a guy who isn’t a douchebag, B. It’s amazing.
12:19pm
Kid you not. An exact look alike of you here at court for jury duty with me. She’s pregnant. I should take a photo so you’ll know what you’ll look like. I mean dead on; it’s identical B.
1:25pm
It’s a little strange looking at her and thinking about it all in perspective. I mean, everything about her is you. Let’s just say you’ll be a cute pregnant one.
2:43pm
How long are you going to freeze me out and not speak to me?
